Getting ready for pregnancy

I have been physically and emotionally preparing for my 4^th TS journey for the last 3 months. I adore my IP’s K & M, they live across the country, but what we lack in geographical proximity we more than make up with in communication. I speak with K daily, I have yet to meet M, but am not nervous about  it. This journey is meaningful to me, it will probably be my last compensated journey, I have only done one journey comp free so far, my second journey, and we have a sibling journey planned when I am finished with this one.

I am very excited, not only about this one but my next one as well. My second journey was so beautiful, I love A, A & A so much, and I have been waiting for them to make little A a big sister! They said they were not interested in a sibling journey, and as fate would have it A called me to ask about a sibling journey literally the day after I matched with K & M! You never know what the future holds, but as of now I am planning on my last journey being the sibling journey, 5 amazing TS journeys is a good number for me :)

This is what I have been doing to prepare myself for my upcoming pregnancy:

Yoga

Lots of Water 12-15 glasses a day

Fertility Blend Tea 3-4 cups daily

Red Raspberry Leaf Tea 3-4 cups daily

Evening Primrose Oil 2000 mg daily from the first day of my period through ovulation

Fresh Pineapple and Kiwi Fruit Smoothies

Deep Breathing / Stress Relieving Techniques

Positive Affirmations

Practicing with water,  Instead Cups and a Syringe

I have used these techniques with not only my TS journeys, but my own pregnancies as well, and so far I have a 100% first time success rate, I am really hoping this time is no exception!

For me timing is absolutely crucial, especially since I have to fly all the way across the country. I have always timed by doing insemination’s for at least 3 nights, the day before my 1^st positive OPK (generally I get one day of a faint line, so this is when I hop on a plane!), the second night, which is usually my positive OPK and the third night, If I have no thermal shift then I do a 4^th night for good measure. I am afraid to do anything different since I have been so successful  in the past!

Husbands during surrogacy

I have spoken to a lot of Surrogate’s lately about their husband’s; it really got me thinking about how my husband has handled my last 3 journeys and my upcoming journey. With my husband less is definitely more. He is very supportive of me being a surrogate, he is supportive of anything I want to do that is important to me, however I don’t believe it is something he would have ever suggested, and I am positive if I were to tell him tomorrow that I was done with surrogacy he would not be sad at all.

With my first journey I tried to really include my husband; I wanted him to be as excited as I was, for him to love my IP’s as much as I did. He met my IF twice and it was really awkward for him, he met my IM several times and it seemed a lot easier, as she was more of a girlfriend, not a man whose child I was carrying. He later told me that even know he knew I had not done anything this man it was very uncomfortable for him to see him and be around him knowing what I had done with his sperm, and that the child I carried was his.

My husband is an odd duck, he has never once been strange about me being pregnant, I think it is just hard for him to have to put a male face to the semen I inseminated :) I handled my following journeys much different, my husband did not even meet my IF’s, and it was a lot easier for him. I did not try to force him into being involved in my pregnancy, after all it was not his child, and he does not share my enthusiasm. I relied more on my IM’s for support and to share news with.

I think it is a very strange place for our husband’s to be in, they are married to us, yet have no ties or obligations to the child we carry. They know we did not engage in any sexual activity, but being men that image still pops into their minds from time to time, they deal with us being moody and sick, knowing that they will not gain another child, they are expected to support us during labor with the child’s parents present, I am very thankful I am a Surrogate and not a Surrogate’s husband.

I always felt like for my husband to support me he needed to be involved in my pregnancy, involved with my IP’s, and that just is not so for me and my husband. My husband’s greatest time during my Surrogacy’s is afterward, when I come back home, when I no longer am carrying a child and I need him to love me and support me. My husband is strong, loving and supportive of me doing something that really puts him out, I do what I can to make it easier on him :)

I would love to hear about your relationships and what has helped your spouse/partner!

Natural labor induction

I have had several emails asking about labor salad and other ways I naturally got my body ready, it is great to know I have readers! I also naturally induced during 2 of my own pregnancies, so I thought this would be a fabulous blog topic! I had my water broken to induce my last pregnancy, and I am positive it only worked so well because of the preparation I had done for my body! I would like to add, that I would never try these prior to 36 weeks!

Preparing your body:

Evening Primrose Oil

Evening primrose oil is an excellent source of prostaglandins, which gets your cervix soft and ready for labor. It can be taken orally as soon as 34 weeks, and can be applied directly to the cervix at full term (36 weeks). At 38 weeks I started using 2000mg a day. I would take 1000 mg orally, and then I would vaginally insert 2 capsules right before bed. It dissolves before you wake up, but you may want to wear a panty liner in case of any leakage. 

Red Raspberry Leaf Tea

Red raspberry leaf tea is wonderful not only for preparation, but it also helps to tone your uterus after delivery, shrinking it back to size more quickly and reducing bleeding. It basically focuses your contractions, making them work better!

Load Up On Fruit!

Fresh pineapple, mango and kiwi all contain enzymes that help soften your cervix, plus they are delicious, so it’s a win win situation! You can also throw some into your labor salad when you are ready to go!

Getting Labor started:

Labor Salad

I swear by this, it has worked well for me and many other women I know! The greens in this are said to have pitocin like compounds, which mimic your body’s natural oxytocin hormone, causing contractions, here is what I put in mine:

Romaine Lettuce

Watercress

Red Cabbage

Fresh Basil

Fresh Oregano

Pineapple or other high enzyme fruit

Acupressure

There are 2 known pressure points that stimulate contractions: In the webbing of your thumb and index finger and Four finger-widths above the inside of your ankle bone.

To stimulate your hand pressure point, pinch the webbing of your hand and rub in a circular motion for 30-60 seconds at a time, taking a 1-2 minute break in between contractions.

For the calf, press firmly on the spot. It should feel sore if you've found the right spot. Press and rub in a circular motion until you have a contraction. When the contraction is done begin again.

Nipple Stimulation

This is one the most effective ways I have found to get labor going, provided your body is ready of course! I have always used a breast pump, which is the strongest and most effective way to stimulate your nipples. You HAVE to stimulate for at least 15 minutes on each side to get any benefit though! I pumped for 15-20 minutes on each side every hour for a few hours and my daughter was born that night :) Combine it with orgasm and you have a really powerful winner!

Get Busy and Get Busy!

I think everyone knows sperm has enzymes that get labor going! The longer it is exposed to the cervix the better, I put an instead cup in after sex and started walking! Movement helps so much! Walking, swinging on a swing, and doing a “hula” hoop motion all get that baby into position!

I would love to hear what has worked for you!

My 3rd journey

I met T on an online surrogacy classified site. She posted a wonderfully written and funny ad,  I knew I had to respond because her ad made me laugh! She called me the same evening we emailed and I knew instantly that I just HAD to carry for her! We felt like great friends immediately, she was honest, raw, funny, just an overall beautiful person.

We matched in October 2-3 weeks after I answered their ad and we and planned our first insemination for the following month. They lived several states away, so we had to plan travel. Of course, as a holiday ovulator I ovulated 5 days early on Thanksgiving! I tried to get to the airport, I rushed, ran out of gas, called my husband to drive me, and he got a flat tire about 15 miles from the airport! So I missed the last flight of the day and that cycle was a wash.

The following month was not much better, I got a positive OPK on Christmas Eve, again almost a week early. We were out of town with family for the holidays, I ran to the airport, missed the last two flights of the day. Went back to my in-laws house with plans to leave the next morning. It was snowing horribly, I missed my flight by 10 minutes, and booked the next one 8 hours later and drive back to my in-laws, of course it started snowing even harder and we got snowed in for the next 6 days. I tried to make it back to the airport anyways, could not even pull out of the driveway, my flight got canceled, and to make matters worse my son ran outside to kiss me goodbye, slipped on the ice and lost a tooth!

The third time was a charm, I flew out with no problems, met T and her husband D in person. We signed contracts and I stayed at their house for 4 days while we did inseminations. It was slightly uncomfortable with D, he was very nervous, and uncomfortable around me! So I mostly did things with T, and we left him alone :) Thank goodness this improved over the course of the pregnancy, those silly IFs!

Once again about 10 days later I was able to email T a picture of our first positive pregnancy test! We had such a wonderful pregnancy! I wanted to deliver in their State, after a lot of soul searching I decided that I did not want them to feel like they were picking up their child and flying him home, I wanted them to be like all new parents, deliver in their local hospital and have a short drive home. So I got more medical care than almost anyone I know!

I had two midwives, one here in my state, just in case I had any complications or went into labor early, I wanted to have a provider here I was comfortable with and who was familiar with me. I also flew out of state once a month to see my midwife there. It was so wonderful to have them so involved with every visit! My pregnancy was so easy, and T and I talked daily!

At 37 weeks I flew to T and D’s, relaxed for a week and helped them get ready for baby. This was the best part of my entire pregnancy, I got to do last minute shopping with T, watch D put the crib together, really see them preparing for their new baby. D was the most nervous, T and I just couldn’t believe it was almost over, we both were pretty sad that our journey was coming to an end.

My midwife and all of us decided it would be ideal to have me induced, so that I wasn’t waiting around for weeks. I loved spending time with T and D, but we were here to have a baby and I did not want to be gone from my own family very long. I begin getting ready by eating "labor" salads, taking evening primrose oil and red raspberry leaf at 37 weeks to start getting my cervix soft and my uterus ready. At 38 weeks I was 3 cm, and my cervix was “ripe”, we decided to induce the next day!

The next morning we checked into the hospital and my midwife broke my water. I started having contractions a few minutes later. I used a breastpump to help get me going, and pumped for about 15 minutes on each side. T was with me the entire time, rubbing my back and encouraging me, she was so sweet! D kept asking if I wanted a glass of water, I think he had no clue what his role should be or what to do! My midwife checked me 2 hours into labor and I was 9 cm!

I decided to get onto all fours on the hospital bed, T sat on the edge of the bed, I pushed for about 20 minutes and David James came into this world! My midwife caught him and immediately placed him into T’s arms. T was crying just staring at her perfect little boy! I realized I was on all fours with my butt in the air! D was afraid to come over! I sat down, and D came over to marvel at his son, he looked shocked. My midwife had him cut the cord, and the new family moved to the warmer.

T and D had their own hospital room down the hall, and the nurses moved them there while I finished up! I started to pump about 15 minutes after the birth and easily delivered my placenta. I had a very small tear, so small my midwife did not think it needed to be stitched. I continued pumping, took a short nap, had a visit from a friend and called T and D to let them know I was ready to visit!

About 5 minutes later T came to my room with baby David while D called every single person they knew to give them the great news! It was so exciting for me to see this uncomfortable, shy man turn into a proud papa I only minutes. I gave T the bottle of colostrum I had pumped so far and watched her feed her son. I had no sadness at all, I felt the same as my second journey, just overwhelming joy and pride watching this woman I loved so much with her son.

I got to hold baby David and he was the cutest little boy! We took pictures and just spent time together for a few hours ooohing and aaahing over every noise and grimace he made. Then T took him back to their room so they could have some family time and I could rest. It was then my turn, I called my husband, talked to my kids, slept some more, ate finally, and enjoyed a day of relaxation and pride knowing that a beautiful family was down the hall that I helped create!

T invited me to stay for a few days, she was worried about me flying so soon, but I was ready to get home to my own family! I physically felt great, I was only having minor spotting and went to the airport from the hospital. Our goodbye was so sweet, we hugged and cried, T tried to insist they take me to the airport, that I come rest with them first. It may sound strange, but I wanted them to be able to walk into their home alone, as a new family and really get to spend time together without me or anyone else around.

I had a great friend who had moved to the same city as them, she visited me in the hospital, picked me up, we went to lunch and she drove me to the airport. I thought I would have wanted to stay, I just really wanted to give the space and to see my husband and little guys! T would not let me leave until I swore I would call the second I landed, which I did. We talked for an hour and a half!

We spoke or emailed everyday, I loved hearing how tired and happy they were, seeing pictures everyday of their family. She sent me everything, and it helped so much. I was worried we would talk less once she was a mom, but we talked even more! We are still so close, we don’t talk every day anymore, but at least 1-2 times a week. A week after I got home I got a really sweet card and photo album in the mail from them with pictures of ultrasounds, my pregnancy, visits, the hospital and of them at home.

I think it so funny I set out to do one surrogacy and I cannot imagine never doing another one! I cannot even describe the reward I get from helping someone else. I have developed such close and wonderful friendships with all my IM’s. I got more than I had ever hoped for in surrogacy, I thought I would be giving this great gift, I never in a million years would have imagined the gift these families gave me would be greater than anything I could do for them!

My 2nd journey

My second journey for A and A was as perfect as they come. I met A through an online classified ad, we emailed back and forth for about a week and then finally were able to connect on the phone. I adored A instantly, she is such a strong, natural, kind woman, she was supportive of a homebirth, and after homebirthing 2 of my own children it was something I wanted to do again. She also planned on inducing lactation and breastfeeding, which I was so excited about!

I felt the same connection I had felt with P, an instant kinship and comfort, we would speak for hours everyday and nothing and everything. We matched fairly quickly about 3 weeks after our first phone call; our first insemination was scheduled for the following month. Contracts went very quickly and easily, I was doing a no comp journey, so I did not feel it was necessary to have an attorney review my contracts. I read them over, agreed with everything and we met up to sign them during the day since the notary would be closed that night when we planned on doing our first insemination.

Meeting them in person was great, A and I talked the whole time, A the husband did not speak much, but he put his hand on A’s thigh when she was signing and I caught a glimpse of the love he felt for her and his family. We signed contracts, A the husband went back to work then A and I had a great lunch, and agreed to see each other that evening. I did inseminations the same way as the first time, since it worked so well before, 3 nights with an instead cup, and sure enough as A and I sat in her bathroom 9 days later we saw the second line!

A and I were so close during the pregnancy, she asked my opinion on baby names, she bought me post partum things, I bought her a nursing bra and breastfeeding book. We commiserated about our sore breasts and hormones as she was on lactation induction medications. She came to most of our midwife appts, both A’s came to all ultrasounds, we found out they were having a girl which was so exciting! A had a baby shower and invited me, I did not attend, I wanted this to be her moment, but the fact that she wanted me there meant so much to me.

We had planned a home water birth, A bought a birthing tub and it sat in my garage just waiting. At 39 weeks I started having contractions, I called A and my midwife, both who said they were on the way. I loved laboring at home, I had music, candles, low light and the babies mother next to me. My children were starving, it was dinner time, A the husband watched my water break as I was standing in the kitchen insisting I make my children dinner.

He turned so white and I watched him clutch the counter, I thought he was going to pass out! So my husband asks him if he would be ok taking our kids to grab some pizza, he looked more relieved than I have ever seen anybody in my life! Once my water broke I asked my husband to get the water tub ready, he went into the garage to bring it in and fill it up. I went into my bedroom with my midwife and A so they could help me change into dry clothes.

I suddenly felt a huge amount of pressure, I squatted down and asked my midwife to see how far along I was. She checked me and said oh my goodness, not only are you ready, but you’re crowning! I stayed in the position I was in, A got in front of me and held my hands while I pushed, my midwife looked at A and said “mom would you like to deliver your baby?”

A reached down and pulled her precious little girl Abigail to her chest, she was crying and smiling at me, my midwife dried Abigail off and A and I both sat on the floor. A put Abigail to her breast, she latched on right away and was could not take her eyes off her mom! I could not stop crying, I was filled with so much joy, so much pride. I felt so blessed to have been the vessel that brought this baby to her family!

My midwife told me to let her know when I had my first contraction, I relaxed, I cut Abigail’s cord, and my midwife helped me to the bed to deliver my placenta. I started using the breast pump with my first contraction, had about 3 contractions total and my placenta was out. I had not torn at all, and was barely bleeding, I felt great! My husband walked in saying the tub was ready and A and I just looked at each other and started laughing. My husband was shocked! He came over and kissed me and had to look at Abigail and proclaim how absolutely gorgeous she was!

A the husband got back about this time, and was shocked that it was over! He joined A in my room and they cood over the baby, he took Abigail and A came to me and gave me the hardest hug, she cried and thanked me over and over. After she nursed for a while longer I got to hold little Abigail. This experience was so different from my first journey, I felt no strong attachment, I felt like I was holding a niece or nephew, I loved her she was gorgeous, but she was very clearly A and A’s.

After a couple of hours the AAA’s went home :) I rested, ate and pumped every 2-3 hours as my midwife instructed to kepp my uterus contracting. I will admit I skipped the middle of the night pumpings so I could sleep all night! The next morning I woke up to an email from A with some pictures and a link to an online album she set up so I could see all their pictures! We talked daily, she asked me for parenting advice, babysitting requests, help with nursing techniques, we talked like any other best friends who were both moms!

We still talk several times a week! We formed such a strong relationship during our journey, she is more like a sister than a friend. I love her, I love Abigail. I have no regrets at all about my journey, this was the single most selfless and rewarding act I have ever done, and I cannot wait until they are ready for a sibling!

My first journey

I have had an overwhelming request for my birth stories, so here is my first journey:

I met P online, we spoke for almost 3 hours the very first time we talked. I fell in love with her instantly, we really connected, I felt like I had always known her that she was an old friend. She is married to L, who I never spoke with prior to matching. We matched very quickly, I knew that day she was the one for me, however I talked to her several more times and a week later we were matched. I received harsh judgment for moving so quickly, but I knew in my heart it was right, and I was not wrong :)

I had been charting for over a year and it turned out I would be ovulating 2 weeks after we matched, so we set our first insemination date! I was beyond ecstatic, P was so perfect for me in almost every way, but more importantly we connected so strongly I had no doubts that we would be able to work out any issues that arose. P had contracts prepared, I had an attorney look them over, we had no revisions, and we signed them the day of our first insemination.

I met L for the first time on the day of inseminations, it was slightly uncomfortable, however L later said it took a lot of the get to know you pressure off because we were there for a purpose, he did not feel like he was “auditioning”. I was so nervous about meeting P in person, but it was exactly the same as on the phone and email! She was a dear friend who I felt like I had known my entire life.

We preformed 3 evenings of inseminations, I used an instead cup, which I highly recommend! I inserted the semen with a syringe, popped an instead cup in and went to sleep :) in the morning I removed it, as I said we did this for 3 nights, and two weeks later I texted P a picture of my positive pregnancy test.

Our pregnancy really flew by. I spoke with P every single day, she became one of my best support people. I did everything I could to help P feel like this was her pregnancy, I complained, I shared joy, I bought her adorable pajamas and told her often what a great mother she would be. We became so close, I had not anticipated this type of relationship, and I knew that I would never want it any other way.

The only issue we did not agree on was breastfeeding, I did not want to breastfeed her baby, I could not figure out why, I was not concerned about bonding, I had breastfed 3 of my own without issues, it just didn’t feel right. P convinced me that not only should I prevent bleeding, but that it would be best for a baby. It was definitely the first time I had ever heard of an IM wanting a Surrogate to breastfeed their baby. I was terrified of bleeding, so I agreed.

When labor started it came in so quickly, I called P and L and my husband rushed me to the hospital, I had been having contractions for about 30 minutes before leaving for the hospital, it was a 20 minute drive and when the nurse first checked me I was already 8 cm! P was in the room with me, L was there but kept finding any possible excuse to leave the room, he was so nervous you could tell, coffee, monster, tea, a cigarette, a snack, he would have taken the car to get gas if we had let him.

I did not have any medications, having a natural birth was very important to me, I did not want the memory of this amazing experience for P and L to be clouded by drugs. Less than 15 minutes later it was time to push, I wanted to push in a squatting position, which is what has always worked well for me, however when they told me I could push I could literally feel him crowning and there was no time for me to change positions. 3 pushes later Logan came into this world.

He was immediately placed on my stomach, I started to dry him off and cry, I looked at P and she was crying, I looked at L he was crying too! They started hugging and then I got completely lost in Logan. His cord was cut and I started to nurse him, he latched on very well and I could not stop looking at him. Something totally unexpected happened to me when I nursed him.

I had the largest rush of hormones; I instantly felt an intense attached to him. I knew that he was not my baby; that I had carried him and created him for P and L, but every ounce of my body cried out otherwise. I was not prepared whatsoever for the intense feelings it caused me. I regretted breastfeeding him so much, but luckily this was the only regret of the entire experience.

P, L and I all roomed together in the hospital. They were supposed to get their own room, but the hospital was full, so there were no available rooms. I wish they would have been able to room alone, I felt like they did not get that time as a family. I was having such a hard time, crying, longing to have Logan, and seeing them together, hearing his every coo and cry was heart breaking.

It was such a conflicting time, I was so happy for P and L, I felt so great about what I had done, yet my body was fighting me every second I was around him. I was extremely relieved when it was time to leave the hospital. My husband drove me home, and P and L took their new baby home.

I know that most Surrogate’s would never post their feelings about this subject, we are supposed to shield IP’s from the idea that a Surrogate may feel this way, but for me it was a very difficult experience. I whole heartedly believe that by holding Logan first and by nursing him I inadvertently sent my body the message that this was my child to mother, then took it away when I handed him to P.

Over the next few months I was a mess, I cried all the time, with no warning, I completely pulled away from P, she would email me and leave me messages every day and I would not return her calls, I could not stand hearing Logan in the background. I had to distance myself from her because she had him, which was really hard because I loved P so much and wish I could have had her support while I was going through such a difficult time.

I pumped for 9 months, and I think this helped my body so much, it gave me something to do and eased some of the discomfort my body felt. Slowly I started talking to P again, when I did I told her why I hadn’t been talking to her. She was heartbroken that not only had I felt unable to confide my feelings to her, but she also felt responsible for asking me to breastfeed.

We have slowly gotten back to where we were before with our friendship, we talk several times a week, I even babysat Logan for 4 days when he was 4 so P and L could go on a cruise. I no longer feel an attachment towards him, I love him, but I love him as I would love any child of P’s. Once my hormones went back to normal my feelings towards him were exactly as I had hoped they would be during my pregnancy.

My first journey was such an amazing, powerful experience and I would not take it back for anything in the world. I love P, she is a dear friend, an amazing mother and I am so happy I assisted in that happening for her. I am still not close with L, when we see each other we make small talk, but he is an amazing father. They are such a great family, and I knew that making families was what I was born to do :)

Stay tuned I will post my other 2 journeys shortly