Husbands during surrogacy

I have spoken to a lot of Surrogate’s lately about their husband’s; it really got me thinking about how my husband has handled my last 3 journeys and my upcoming journey. With my husband less is definitely more. He is very supportive of me being a surrogate, he is supportive of anything I want to do that is important to me, however I don’t believe it is something he would have ever suggested, and I am positive if I were to tell him tomorrow that I was done with surrogacy he would not be sad at all.

With my first journey I tried to really include my husband; I wanted him to be as excited as I was, for him to love my IP’s as much as I did. He met my IF twice and it was really awkward for him, he met my IM several times and it seemed a lot easier, as she was more of a girlfriend, not a man whose child I was carrying. He later told me that even know he knew I had not done anything this man it was very uncomfortable for him to see him and be around him knowing what I had done with his sperm, and that the child I carried was his.

My husband is an odd duck, he has never once been strange about me being pregnant, I think it is just hard for him to have to put a male face to the semen I inseminated :) I handled my following journeys much different, my husband did not even meet my IF’s, and it was a lot easier for him. I did not try to force him into being involved in my pregnancy, after all it was not his child, and he does not share my enthusiasm. I relied more on my IM’s for support and to share news with.

I think it is a very strange place for our husband’s to be in, they are married to us, yet have no ties or obligations to the child we carry. They know we did not engage in any sexual activity, but being men that image still pops into their minds from time to time, they deal with us being moody and sick, knowing that they will not gain another child, they are expected to support us during labor with the child’s parents present, I am very thankful I am a Surrogate and not a Surrogate’s husband.

I always felt like for my husband to support me he needed to be involved in my pregnancy, involved with my IP’s, and that just is not so for me and my husband. My husband’s greatest time during my Surrogacy’s is afterward, when I come back home, when I no longer am carrying a child and I need him to love me and support me. My husband is strong, loving and supportive of me doing something that really puts him out, I do what I can to make it easier on him :)

I would love to hear about your relationships and what has helped your spouse/partner!